Obeying the Lord

My daughter and I sing, and sing often, about everything and lately I've been explaining to her that this is not new but it is wonderful and that David in the Bible wrote Psalms that expressed a range of emotions that we can relate to. We both seem to know God best when singing quietly about what is on our heart to Him. So this morning, I sang a prayer of repentance. Whose chorus focused mostly on this line, "I self-serve, I self-seek, I'm self-absorbed and I am just too weak... to do this on my own."

 My family know that I can be a fairly self-focused individual. Not because I mean to be necessarily, but often because I act based on how I feel - giving no or little though on how this may affect the other. Now in big issues I have improved with God's grace, with the input of an old friend and previous boss - "respond don't react". I have further learned the fruit of self-control. But in the little dailies I find myself serving only myself and what makes me feel good.

Psalms 37:3-9
Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the Lord
and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him and he will do this.
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Be still before the Lord and wait
patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret - it leads only to evil.
For evil men will be cut off;
but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.

If you have never read Psalms 37, you really need to read it in its entirety. It is a constant contrast between those that follow God and the wicked; yet it does not allow the righteous to simply BE, but rather challenges their various faults: anger, patience, trust, commitment, focusing on God and being generous.

I struggle with trusting God. I have joked since I was a teen, "I don't have confidence issues with me, I have confidence issues with God." I'd get a chuckle, scolded or individuals would simply roll their eyes. But since I was a tween, I haven't fully known who God is. You say of course you haven't, but often times individuals are certain of their faith in God - I was just certain in the faith I held and kept God at the length I could understand Him.

This has led to me leaving God out of my job, out of my marriage (for the most part), and pocketed well into the areas I could grasp. While it allowed for decent spirituality it never involved the development of my character - how can your core change and your habits be broken if God is not with you always? Thus this search in Lent. I don't simply want a God who I feel, like when I was 12 & 13; nor do I want a God that simply gives me good world knowledge, wisdom and reputation (17-present) - I need a holistic, incarnational God that changes and morphs my hard heart and stubborn, self-absorbed head into His image. This Psalm reminds me that He is will respond to the various parts of my heart and my various struggles. He is faithful.